Ain't Nobody Got Time Fo That!

 




      I shouldn't write blog posts when Im in deep dark caverns of my soul. The goal of this blog was to spread awareness and educate people about anxiety and depression, as it is such a taboo subject. I have found myself going from raw honesty, to wanting to hold back. No ones got time fo that! I need to remind myself that in not being honest to the reader, I cant be honest with myself and my recovery.            Today I find myself in the deep dark ugliness. You think people hurt you, until a FAMILY member    hurts you, and you realize all of those other hurts didn't matter. It is the worst kind of hurts. When someone hurts you that you didn't like anyway, or have no real connection with, you can let it roll right off your back. Now, when someone you love, care about deeply hurts you, its like this tearing feeling at the middle of your chest. It is actually indescribable. Awful. 
     I feel that communication is so huge in relationships. It helps you to form bonds, coexist, keep things real. When there is no communication, and the waters get stagnant, you never know what may grow in those swampy waters. Rumors, lies, assumptions. How are you to ever know what is reality? Talk to someone. Talk to each other. Damnit. Its so simple! But why don't we do it? Why do we sometimes choose to be so angry at someone we haven't talked to? I know it. You all know it. Say it with me : "There are always two sides to a story." You start wading around in that stagnant water and it will lead you around and around and get you nowhere. As mad as you may be, as much as you would like to stomp around that water and be mad because you think you have reasons, you need to step out and help that water to flow. You may find that you were mad for no reason, it was a misunderstanding, or something someone told someone who told someone else and then told you. Maybe it was made up. Maybe you made it up. When I am feeling this way I go to the person and try to figure it out. So maybe they are mad at me, or said something terrible, but at least now I know. And I heard it from them directly and not someone else. A year ago I would have done just the opposite. I would have let it fester and poison me. I had a very hard time approaching people. It got me nowhere. Now when I feel like something is off, I call that person up, write them an email, check in. I usually feel better when I know how they are feeling.  THE END.
     I'll get around to writing another blog when Im feeling better. All of my positivity has drained out of the bottom of my feet. Things are really good, on most days, during most hours. Im happier.