I haven't blogged in a long while-and for good reason. I have nothing to say. No. I don't know what to say. 2012 has not been kind thus far. I do however feel that this noose around my neck, ever tightening, this squeezing and tugging at my middle, will somehow save me again. Like my mom always used to say when we were cleaning our rooms; " It has to get messy before it gets clean!" She was right. We'd pull out everything and move it to the middle of the room, going from box to box, sorting out things we needed and things we didn't. I am doing that now. Sorting. I have a lot to do and its going to get real messy. I may throw everything out and start over. Build it up again from the ground up. Time will tell. The snow is coming down now. Softly and quiet like owls flying thru the forest. I've never experienced anything so quiet-as if sound never existed. The snow is beautiful and cold. Peaceful. I wish i could lay down in a drift of snow, naked, and sink into a numbing dream. Peaceful.
I watched Melancholia the other day. It is beauty, emotion, raw, and perfectly haunting. I felt every tear, every bit of anger, love and fear right along with the characters. I was experiencing it. When it ended I felt awful. I mean that in the best way possible, if that even makes sense. I wish I could have made this film. I sympathized with the character Justine the most. She battles with manic depressive disorder thru-out the film. Her sister is her caretaker and in the end Justine ends up caring for her sister. Every frame of this film was like a photograph. I absolutely loved it. There is beauty in sadness. This film is a perfect example of that.
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