Do the Bad Times Good

      Its mid August. Hotter that a hooker on a friday night. Im emotional. Could be the heat, could be PMS, could be life. I started reflecting on the last four years of my life. Lots of really great times. Happiness and love. Experiencing new things. Becoming a mom. What an adventure! There are also a lot of lows. Being hurt, hurting loved ones. Dealing with something I couldn't comprehend. It's funny how things happen in your life and you think there is no rhyme or reason. You can't understand why this is happening to you, or why you do or say things that don't make sense. For some people, this will go on their entire lives. They will suffer day in and day out, wandering thru life, lost. Others, like myself, will get answers. Their entire lives will change, making things clear, or clearer. It wont fix things, but you will be able to look back on those dizzying, sad, crazy moments, and just maybe, make sense of them. Hopefully you will be able to move forward in life applying this knowledge to your everyday life. 

     I opened up recently to someone, explaining in detail every moment and feeling I've had in recent years.What an undertaking! It was painful to write, painful to look at. I barely made it thru. And when I was done, silence was the reply. I lost myself in that moment. Someone once told me to do the bad times good. I did the bad times BAD. I punished myself for all the raw emotion and truth. Ouch. And still they love me thru and thru. Hm. I think from now on, I will save analyzing my past for the couch. Really, the past is the past, and I cannot change it. No matter how hard I try. 

     I turn to art. A different kind of medicine.  Music and photography are huge for me right now. I can't think of a better therapy. I also watch Ugly Betty in the evenings after my daughter has gone to bed. Don't judge, its my guilty pleasure and I love it!

      Last week I was visiting Wallowa Lake; a family summer tradition. It was so amazing to sit by the lake, in the shadows of the slopes shaped by a passing glacier. Amazing. I watched my baby girl take to the water like an old pro. No fear in that girl. The splashed away, played with the rocks, and chased after some unlucky geese. If everyday could be so simple. No time, no responsibility. A quiet and special time with nature and my family. I am making it a priority now that we are home, to spend lots of time at the water. It is soothing for the soul. I think that is true for most people. If you can do at least one thing a day that makes you happy, you are doing pretty good.

      I leave you with a song. One that makes me feel pretty darn good. Brings my courage up a notch. Enjoy.