The power of suggestion

Yesterday was an early rise for me. Two appointments to get to and a few errands with my mom. I slept only two hours that night but was wide awake. I blogged :) I called my mom to verify our meeting time and she wasn't sure because my dad was feeling nauseous today. She had to make sure he was settled in first. This news was no big deal. My dad's body isn't quite in sync with itself yet and he feels this way almost everyday. It was what she said next that ruined the morning: "He was nauseous all day yesterday too. He must have a bug. "

My heart stopped.

Panic.

My worst fear:

Getting sick.

My mind went back two days to the night my father and I shared a cup of tea. Germs. I could be sick! I checked my temperature. 99.8?! I'm getting sick. I was feeling sick to my stomach, i was shaky and weak. This is horrible. Why me? I drank half an Ensure and a glass of water. I packed my purse with Ensure, my thermometer, bentonite clay... I was prepared. Because I was getting sick. My rational mind was telling me i was fine. I felt fine before i talked to my mom and now all of the sudden I'm sick? Then my irrational mind kicked in again. What if i AM getting sick? What if this is the real thing?

I can tell you that this very same scenario has happened several times. Each time with a suggestion. I feel sick, i get a low grade temp, it GOES AWAY! So I always tell myself, "Next time I'll know this is all in my head and I'll be fine." Not so. Every time it happens, I freak. And again it goes away. I tell my self, "Next time I'll know..."

The difference between yesterday and the times before it was that yesterday I didn't keep how I was feeling a secret. I immediately told Terry how I felt. I explained it all. I took a "chill" pill and hoped it kick in soon. My mom finally got there and I told her how I felt. She tried to reassure me. It wasn't helping. We dropped Talula off at school and then mom asked if I wanted to go get lunch. Not really. I was sick. I shouldn't eat. She said I should try and we went down to Betty's. Literally as we were sitting down my "chill" pill was kicking in and my stomach was growling. That was that! It was over.

When we got to my therapist i told him about my episode. He asked me to describe it in one word. I picked "Horrible."


He said, " Hmm, really? It was horrible?"


I said "Yes."


He sat for a second and then asked, " If you got in an accident, and lost your hand, could you say that was horrible?"


"Absolutely."


"So...would you say that feeling sick is horrible like losing a hand?"


Hm. Well said sir. Well said.


He said I needed to think of it in a new way. I needed a new vocabulary to describe it. Words can be very powerful. "Uncomfortable" is the new word.



This morning, I'm feeling comfortable.

Blessings